Funeral Etiquette
Funeral Etiquette: What to Do and Say
What to Do
1. Check the Funeral Home’s Website
For the latest information about service times, themes, or luncheon details, visit the funeral home’s website. This ensures you have the most current information and respects the grieving family’s privacy. It’s more considerate to avoid calling them directly for these details.
2. Offer Your Support
In Person: A warm “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you” can be comforting. A hug or a simple gesture of affection often means more than formal words.
In Writing: A personal note expressing your support and sharing a fond memory can be deeply meaningful.
3. Embrace the Celebration of Life
Many services now celebrate the deceased’s life with themes and colorful attire. Feel free to wear colors that reflect the deceased’s personality or interests if it aligns with the service's tone.
4. Respect the Family’s Wishes
Follow any specific instructions or preferences they have regarding the service. If they’ve chosen a themed or colorful celebration, embrace it and participate accordingly.
5. Dress Appropriately
While traditional dark colors are still common, many services now embrace vibrant colors. Traditional or military services may require more formal dress. The funeral home can guide you in the appropriate attire preference according to the service details. Dress in a way that respects the tone of the service and reflects the deceased’s legacy.
6. Be Punctual
Arrive on time for the service or visitation. If you’re late, enter quietly and discreetly to minimize disruption.
7. Offer Practical Help
If possible, offer practical assistance such as preparing meals, running errands, or providing transportation. Even small gestures can make a big difference.
What to Say
1. Express Support Simply
“I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”
“I love you and I’m thinking of you during this time.”
2. Share Positive Memories
Sharing a fond memory or expressing what the deceased meant to you is encouraged and can be comforting. Keep it brief and heartfelt.
3. Acknowledge Their Grief
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be. I’m here to listen if you need to talk.”
4. Avoid Overused Phrases
Instead of clichés, focus on genuine, empathetic expressions of support.
5. Be Present
Sometimes the best support is simply being there. Allow them to share their feelings if they wish.
What to Avoid
1. Avoid Asking for Details
Don’t press for information about the cause of death or the circumstances surrounding it. Respect their privacy.
2. Don’t Make It About Yourself
Avoid redirecting the conversation to your own experiences or suggesting they should “move on” quickly.
3. Don’t Interrupt or Change the Subject
Let them express their feelings and emotions without interruption.
4. Keep Pets at Home
For everyone’s comfort, leave pets at home. Pets can be distracting and disrespectful in a funeral setting, particularly in the cemetery.
